Rigid, Firm, and the Darker the Better

Any cook will tell you, good food is like good porn. With that, I give you this totally double-entendred trip, taken verbatim from the Ladies Home Journal lightstyle section:

-Look for rigid spears with firm ends.

-Wrinkled stem ends mean the asparagus is old and may be tough.

-Asparagus tenderness is not related to the thickness of the stalk.

-Color signals the tenderness of the stalks -- the deeper the color the better.

...I have a friend who swears by that last one. Er, she's a home cook, too.