For the past four days, columnists across Chicago have been opining at length on the death of former Blagojevich adviser and fundraiser Chris Kelly. Most have stretched hard to forge news out of speculation. But some have allowed the story to be as simple as, in all likelihood, it really is.
You could use the same words to describe a lot of politicians, especially in this Land of Lincoln we’ve got going here. But I’m pretty sure Rod Blagojevich is batshit bonkers. Here are the rules to follow for other willing politicos to bring out their own inner, batshit Blagos.
If you want to succeed in American politics these days, there are three rules you should probably never break: don’t disappoint Oprah; don’t pick a podunk running mate; and don’t screw the news media. Someone should tell that to official Illinois state idiot, Rod Blagojevich.
I find the Chicago Tribune’s new, smaller size inspiring. I can think of any number of things that would benefit from a likewise miniaturization…
Clout Gate. I’m coining the term here and now. I can’t think of any better reason than clout to explain why an Illinois governor elected on an anti-corruption platform and ending up under long-term federal investigation would think he could get away with disgraceful deeds the likes of which got Rod Blagojevich arrested in his jogging suit by the F.B.I. on Tuesday morning.
I swear I almost did a spit-take with my coffee when I read it: an editorial in Sunday’s Chicago Tribune suggesting that the Illinois constitution be rewritten to allow for the recall of Governor Rod Blagojevich. The paper didn’t mince words:
‘Having endured the Blagojevich era, we believe voters never should have to endure another one like it.’ And here I thought it was just me.
So the CTA announced Doomsday once again, and not just one Doomsday, but two of them. What luck for Chicagoland transit riders who might miss the elimination of three dozen CTA bus routes in November! Now they’ll be able to enjoy the evaporation of the rest of the system on January 6. What do we have to blame? The unbridled hubris of Rod Blagojevich. And his penis.