I haven’t just been suffering through a string of bad dates this year. Like any improperly imperfect gay man my age, lately I’ve also been getting more than my fair share of standups, slowdowns, and excuses for breaking them in the first place. Some of the excuses have been outlandish, others blatant baloney. But they’ve all been carefully written down, for tracking purposes. Here they are.

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes