What Is Your Oath of Chicagoanship?
Seven years in this city (and eight winters, but who’s counting?), and I still struggle with what it means to be a Chicagoan. I love this city more than most Chicagoans I know, and a couple of years ago came to terms with the fact that I actually am one now.
But lunch with a Windy City newcomer last week reminded me that some Chicago natives have a different opinion on the topic. A hardcore minority of Chicagoans think the only way to earn the demonym is to be born here, and one of them told my newcomer friend that an Indiana native could never hope to be classed among their ranks. Of course that’s baloney since Chicago is as much an immigrant city as New York. Ultimately, none of us is really from here.
Maybe it would help native and newcomer Chicagoans get along better if we could establish some sort of civic creed. If we could come up with a checklist of basic principles to denote Chicagoanism, we might be surprised to learn that some newcomers “get” this city better than some natives do. But what would those principles be? What should be on a checklist of customs and beliefs which we could require “real” Chicagoans to swear to uphold?
Off the top of my head, I can think of a few potential civic vows. I swear to elect my local politicians for life. I swear to respect lawn chairs placed in shoveled-out parking spaces. I swear never to refer to Jewel in the singular. I swear to speed up on a yellow light. I swear to never use the words Willis and Tower in the same sentence.
They all might belong on an oath of Chicagoanship, and I’m willing to bet that every Chicagoan harbors art least one such belief that they feel bolsters their local credibility above the visiting masses. I know what mine would be. If da mare himself asked me to take a solemn oath of Chicagoanship, I would raise my right hand and say:
“I swear never to put ketchup on a hot dog.”
Well, not unless I was doing it for a child aged eight or younger. (See? I’ve been here long enough to learn a few exceptions, too.)
What would your oath of Chicagoanship be?
As of November 2011, my subscriber feed has changed! To get the new feed, go here or click the orange logo in the right sidebar. Thanks for being a regular reader!
Other posts you might like from Chicago Carless:
Rest in peace, acclaimed Windy City author-activist-broadcast personality and media luminary Studs Terkel, who died today in his North Side home at the age of 96. A fellow former New Yorker, like me Studs never drove a car and once he got to Chicago never left, by dint of simple, deep love of this place and the people in it...
Lately I've been wondering about my place in the world. Maybe it's the New Yorker in me that keeps bringing that question up. New York has long history of considering itself the center of the universe. Take a New Yorker out of Gotham and he's bound to feel disoriented.
You've seen him, dressing in shiny, neon-colored suits and spinning around and waving at tour boats all summer long from Chicago River bridges. He's Vincent P. Falk, but boat crews call him 'Riverace' (rhymes with Liberace,) and he's a summer fixture in downtown Chicago.
In all seriousness, the oath that seems most appropriate to me would be this:
To wax nostalgic and whimsical about the Chicago that once was… while bitching vile about the Chicago that we have now.
Love it!
Ref Willis & Tower …
I do like referring to the Sears Tower as the ‘Big Willy’.
I’ve never felt very patriotic about my country nor felt much kinship with other Americans, but I have an enormous sense of “patriotism” when it comes to my city. My oath would be that I’d be willing to fight and die to protect Chicago, even though I might not be willing to do the same for my country. And when the inevitable war over Lake Michigan water breaks out, I’ll proudly fight on the front lines against the Southwest!
“I hereby and forevermore swear to never put ketchup on my or other’s hot dogs.”