There’s real worth in all ways of finding a personal higher power. Tell me about yours. But don’t tell me yours is the only way. That’s the tip-off for me to know without a doubt you have no idea what you’re talking about.

Many years ago, a little old Jehovah’s Witness lady came to my door in Brooklyn early one Sunday morning. (My own fault for living in Brownstone Brooklyn–also home to the Witness world headquarters complex.)

She rang the ground-floor bell of my brownstone apartment and I came to the door bleary-eyed. She wanted to tell me how to have a better relationship with God. Annoyed and in the moment, I tried hard to remember the name of a religion I had recently heard of who the Witnesses don’t get along with.

And I did. I looked the poor old woman in the eye, told her, “I’m Church of Christ–we think you’re a cult!”, and slammed the gate in her shocked face.

The Witnesses never returned and I never felt an once of remorse.

Catholics have themselves worked up into such a lather than it’s easy for everyone else to follow along in the script. They have very strong concepts of good and evil. Not that other denominations don’t, but most lack the costumes and ceremony that the Catholics have.

And for my fullest disclosure, I don’t have any sort of healthy respect for any of it. I respect the right of others to practice their beliefs and live their lives as they do. I don’t respect people who are up in my shit telling me I am going to “burn in hell” or some such nonsense. They might as well be telling me I’m gonna have high tea in Wonderland. Same dif.